Leyland is thrilled

Here’s the audio, which was via somebody via somebody via somebody: Unless you work at an Irish bar, NSFW: It gets especially bad around three and a half minutes in:

If only we could!

Dope shirt here.

The key to the Tigers’ season

Me.

They can’t get a win? I go see them at Fenway.

They haven’t swept the Yankees in the Bronx in four hundred years? I go to New York, and it happens.

Unfortunately, I don’t have plans to see them again anytime soon, so they may never win another game.

Nothing but consistency

Eleven run victory one day, ten run loss the next. I hate life.

At least we’re .500 over our last ten.

Get out the brooms!

I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited by a two-game series sweep. Big series coming up at Cleveland, who are just a game better than us at 5-9.

The Tigers win

A lot of people had been asking what was wrong with the Tigers. It turns out they just needed me in the building.

Here’s video of the final out from Fenway:

9-1

The Tigers might lead me to booze/heroin/nacho sauce overdose before this losing is all over.

Here’s the 0-2 pitch: directly down the middle for a three run base cleansing gut shot.

It’s going to be real fun seeing the Tigers lose by a baker’s dozen at Fenway while 40,000 Bostonians laugh and point.

Theme song for the season:

It feels like 2003 again

Seriously, I thought I could deal with the Tigers’ newfound expectations, but I can’t. It’s too hard. I’m drowning over here, drowning! We might never win a game!

In other news, Kenny won’t be commenting anytime soon, because Leyland has taken him on as a middle reliever. Do us proud Keno.

I’m going to one of the games at Fenway next week. We might lose by a hundred.

Not gonna do it

Brohan wants me to address this crazy lawsuit.

Zach wants me to address the crazy Maggs-Canseco steroid story. (If this were legit, why didn’t he include it last time?)

The Tigers are too sacred to be dragged into such tabloid fodder.

Cabrera for MVP

Zach sent something over about Miguel Cabrera’s huge contract. If anything, I feel like we’re underpaying the guy: this is like getting Kobe Bryant or Kevin Garnett at age 24.

Jayson Stark nods in agreement.