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I’m consolidating the parties, like after Thanksgiving dinner when kids get to sit at the big table and eat some pie. Go go go.

Sheed got a tech

This series has officially started. Live blog while it lasts in the comments.

UPDATE: a lo-fi pre-game photo from Chair’s chair at the game: not a cheap chair:

The little general

Simmons has a stream-of-consciousness column up right now. Thoughts on weed fan Josh Howard:

Hey, just because the Mavs are long gone from the playoffs doesn’t mean we have to stop making Josh Howard jokes, right? Can we call the 2008 Mavericks team video “Howard and Kumar”? Do you think he ever tried to get Shawn Bradley high? Has Visine approached him about becoming its new endorser yet? Does he own a 7-foot bong that he named “Desagana?” How many times do you think he toked up with a teammate, then fell over in hysterics imitating Avery Johnson’s voice?

I’m only on Red Bull, but that’s a hilarious image.

Zach reads the Freep

RichRod is changing traditions already!

I didn’t realize Henne wasn’t a captain last year.

Winning NBA and NHL titles ain’t easy!

I think the Wings have a much better shot, maybe 50/50, of winning the Stanley Cup. I think the Stones have about a 15% chance, though I would have put that at 25% if we had stolen game one.

81-81

The Lakers-Spurs game finally got good.

Duncs’ biggest flaw: the ceaseless crying about fouls or the poor free throw shooting? I’m leaning toward the former. I know Sheed complains all the time, but that seems more… light-hearted, somehow? Probably just home-team bias.

Also, I forget where I heard this, but Duncs’ jersey is the all-time number five most-sold jersey at the NBA store in New York City. It’s like Jordan, Iverson, Kobe, Yao, and Duncan. (I’m hazy on the details, but that’s the gist.) I have NEVER seen someone wearing a Duncan jersey. Is there anyone who doesn’t live in metro San Antonio or the Virgin Islands that rocks a 21?

Not saying he’s not the best power forward ever. But he’s about number 86 on the list of jerseys I most want.

The NHL is run by Matt Millen

There’s really no other explanation. They do this kind of stuff ALL THE TIME. It’s like they want the team to be bad. Like in Major League. This is ridiculous.

What is the NHL thinking?

The league gets a mulligan for scheduling its thrilling outdoor game in Buffalo against the New Year’s Day bowl games. (What, Super Bowl Sunday wasn’t available?) But now, a far worse offense: The first three games of the Stanley Cup finals will be played at the same time as Games 3, 4 and 5 of the NBA’s Eastern Conference finals.

Later on in the piece, some guy from the NHL gets all righteous and says, why doesn’t the NBA change its games to accommodate us?

Well, the NBA is much more popular than you, its numbers are growing, its games are on a network people have heard of. The NHL has a dream match-up for the finals, they should be doing anything humanly possible to have as many people watching these games. One of the key markets for the games between Detroit and Pittsburgh should be Detroit. It doesn’t take an MBA to figure this out.

More broadly, the NHL needs the following: fewer teams, more fighting, more scoring, cheaper tickets.

My suggestions: go down to 16 teams, allow steroids, make the net bigger, lower prices. The game will be rejuvenated in no time at all!

Give blood, fight Probie

Here’s an MP3 of Barry Melrose discussing fighting in hockey. He calls Bob Probert the best hockey fighter of all-time. I doubt he’ll find much disagreement here.

It’s also part of a larger package from ESPN about hockey fighting.

Leyland is thrilled

Here’s the audio, which was via somebody via somebody via somebody: Unless you work at an Irish bar, NSFW: It gets especially bad around three and a half minutes in:

Heintz is dead to me

He’s skipping the Pistons-Celtics for trivia night? Trivia night???

That being said, trivia night is always fun.

But this is like Zach not watching game one of the Stanley Cup. Wait, he’s not watching game one of the Stanley Cup! The world is a strange place.

Kenny and I just spent a long time discussing the Bulls getting the number one pick in the draft. Wow. If the Knicks got number two, I think the government would have to step in and institutionalize mad genius David Stern. He’s drunk on power.

Also, Miami with D.Rose, D.Wade and the Matrix will immediately be a factor in the fun. The lesson, as always: tank early and often.

Pistons are getting shut out. I should shut up.

If only we could!

Dope shirt here.